Author: therealorchidthief

  • How to Ruin a Childhood in 4 Easy Steps – Prelude

    Mr. John presents a prelude of a series of stories on how to break a little boy. This is a pretty grandiose way of explaining a crap childhood.

  • I Made a Dumb

    I have no idea what got into me. It’s Friday, a Cat 4 hurricane is bearing down on Florida, and I have decided to move my hosting to WordPress.Com and G Suite.

  • The Orchid Thief Begins

    John writes of his first contact with the Seminole Tribe and why he became involved with them and their nursery. ultimately ending up as The Orchid Thief.

  • I Have Returned!

    Mr. John makes excuses for an extended absence and other nonsense.

  • Late Mid-Century Racism

    Mr. John explains late mid-century racism. He was infected with it and came out the other side a more decent person.

  • The Vomit Story

    A tale of dinner time, cats, vomit and more vomit. Oh and some more vomit.

  • The Summer Job That Tried to Kill Me

    One of my first summer jobs wanted me dead. This is the tale of how I survived and the prequel to my famous “Dick in the Crane” story.

  • My Brain Broke

    A short post offering a rationale for my erratic postings and why I have ended up as a retired/disabled house elf.

  • Fuck Fish

    One of the most asked questions about “the movie” is the “Fuck Fish” scene. It’s been a band name, a song, several memes, and it is a long-ass story and not the brief scene you get in the movie.

  • Don’t Damn Me

    Throughout my life, I have had some issues with credibility. With my lifestyle and the crazy situations, I found/find myself in my stories are so fantastic, so random, so unlikely that some people have difficulty believing me.