Category: Ramblings of an Old Man

Mr. John rants, rambles and reminisces about the past. present and future.

Publix: Where Shopping is a Pleasure

… in which Mr John attempts adulting once again

When I was young, I always flirted with checkout girls. Since my lovely wife would frown on that behavior now, I stick to “Dad Jokes” and mind fuckery. Which suits me fine. Today I was in rare form.

Our story begins with a simple task. Drive down the street (literally), enter Publix, collect 3 Pub Subs and a gallon of Raspberry Tea.

After completing this task, I went to pay. Two Covid masked young ladies are at the checkout lane. The bagger askes “Is plastic OK?” This has bothered me for quite some time now. They almost never have paper anymore and since Covid, they only have plastic.

Years ago, I worked at a Publix for about 20 minutes.

Most of the time I ask for burlap, but today I mixed it up. I said, “Do you have something in a nice Chenille or maybe Egyptian Cotten?” She looked at me and down to where the paper bags would have been and replied rather bored. “Only plastic” Defeated, I asked “Then why ask?”. She seemed to ponder then replied, “I have no idea” Finally I got a chuckle and I moved on to bigger prey.

Publix cashiers have the most annoying tendency to ask cheerily “Did you find everything you wanted today?” As a shopper I know that the checkout is the end of the road. If I need to get items, I get them before I go to pay for them. I ask store clerks to help me if I can’t find something.

So, at the checkout this question grates on me. Often, I will ask if they have a hidden area that I should know about. Sometimes a “Dad Joke” like, “I was looking around for one hundred bucks on the ground but couldn’t find it.” will suffice if I am lazy.

I first realized that I was old when a pretty girl at a checkout line called me “Sir”.

Today though I was in rare form and took it to the next level. I said with the appropriate concern; “Yes, I was looking for your cannabis edibles and couldn’t find them” She started to speak and I cut her off, “I saw them in the paper advertised in the BOGO section.”

Doggy version of WTF.

She paused and I could see her thinking and slightly turning her head to the side. After a moment she had a visible “lightbulb moment” and said “Hang on I’ll go ask the Manager! She’ll know!”

As she turns, “Plastic OK Girl” slaps her on the arm laughing and says, “Girl, he’s just fucking with you! We don’t sell weed!

We all had a decent laugh and “Find everything Girl” said you are pretty cool for an old guy. 30 something years ago that would have been a win. 😊

The Clash – Lost in the Supermarket

“I came in here for that special offer A guaranteed personality”

I Ghosted My Blog

… in which Mr John catches you up

I’ve taken a long hiatus from blogging. In the throes of Apocalypse Lite, I’ve decided to start up again.

It’s hard to believe how quickly seven months pass. 2019 ended on the suck for me. My doctor decided that I was doing too well on my meds; so, she took me off a some and changed up others. This fucked me up until February. I was in no state to write; much less be entertaining.  I got a new doctor and we have me “normalish now”. 2020 has not been kind to the world or my mental state. We’re going to chat about that in the next couple of posts as well as get back to the stories.

I don’t like my Facebook page. I’m crap at posting and thinking about starting a Facebook group.

Metallica: I Disappear

“Here I go into new days”

Happy Halloween!

… Happy Halloween from the Orchid Thief.

My memories of Halloween are all warm and pleasant. So much of my childhood was tainted, save for some reason, Halloween. I wish you all a safe and fun evening.

John Laroche Halloween 1967
October 31, 1967

Disneyland – Chilling, Thrilling Sounds Of The Haunted House

This played on the “Hi-Fi” every Halloween.

I Made a Dumb

Oy Vey.

Update One: The site is moved and broken. I think e-mail works.

Update Two: Woke up to see the hurricane is going to miss us. Let’s get this site fixed and move on to Kerry’s websites and email.

Update Three: The hurricane seems to want to miss us. I’ve no complaints there. I have been having fits all day with Their “happiness engineers” finally sorted out my site so I can continue to fix it.

I Have Returned!

… in which Mr. John makes excuses

Hi. I’m back. Sorta.

I’m back! After a longish hiatus, a long summer, and a fresh perspective on life, I have returned to the keyboard. The kids are heading to school soon. Life will return to what resembles normal around the Stafford house. I’ve taken the opportunity to revamp the site. It should be better organized and look a bit nicer.

As you can see, I have changed some stuff up around the site. Some asshole spammed the comments, so I deleted them all. If you said something nice and want to again, I would love that.

I promise to post more often.

That is all.

Devo – Come Back Jonee
“We are all DEVO!”

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